FOOTBALL 'SPEAK' EXPLAINED...
In this top, top series we take a look at the mysterious world of 'football speak' and attempt to decipher what all of this strange jargon actually means. At the end of the day we hope you won't be disappointed with that and think that the boys done well.
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No.1: 'Handbags'
 Handbags at Dawn If you hear Jeff Stelling on Soccer Saturday talking about "handbags" he isn't talking about Mrs Stelling's new accessory. Despite all of the male posturing confrontations on a football field usually resembles little more than a petty cat fight, with random slapping, shirts torn, hair pulled but always with the threat of an eye being scratched out. See Bowyer v Dyer and Hunter v Lee. Used to be described simply as 'handbags at ten paces.'
No. 2: 'No Easy Games'
 Does 8-0 count as an easy game? An oft used cliché, usually churned out after a big team has failed to trounce so-called lesser opponents. Sometimes also heard before games by managers who pretend to 'respect' their victims just before the inevitable murder ensues, In truth easy games do exist, especially when one team is so out of their depth that they start praying for the final whistle long before it is blown. Even in our beloved Premier League, such 'easy' games are a relatively common concurrence. Only last season Tottenham scored nine against Wigan; Chelsea hit eight past Wigan and seven past Aston Villa and Stoke. Even the World Cup Finals have seen results like Portugal 7, North Korea 0, Hungary 10, El Salvador 0. 'Easy games' are alive and well.
No. 3: The 'Come and Get Me Plea'
 Atletico Madrid's David de Gea recently 'issued' a 'come-and-get-me-plea' to Man United. Often used in the tabloids to describe a footballer's comments, usually in respect to a bigger club who are rumoured to be interested in the said footballer's services. Usually the 'come and get me plea' is said to have been 'issued'. For example a player may say something like "Obviously I'm very happy to remain at (this club) and see out my contract but it's always been a dream of mine to play for a fantastic, well supported club like Real Madrid, Barcelona, Barnsley, Chelsea, Man Utd, Northwich Victoria..etc, etc."
No.4 'Gift Wrapped' A more than presentable goal-scoring opportunity, also said to have been 'laid on a plate'. The successful striker will often 'gobble up' such an opportunity. However, the more profligate forward, let's just say Emile Heskey, will often 'spurn' such 'gift wrapped' chances. See also 'blazing it over from six yards' and 'my grandmother could have scored from there.'
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