This Valentines I have decided to give you a few hints and tips on what special football-themed things you can do for your loved ones on this most nauseating holiday.
1. Valentines FC
That’s right, just when you thought that things couldn’t be less romantic than an English non-league club, here comes Valentines United FC. A Sunday league club based in Essex, it is clearly the top contender for most romantic club name ever, although Handsome Rovers came a close second….
What could be more romantic than spending a Monday evening at Chesterfield Football Club? Not only can you treat your loved one to a sumptuous 3 course meal in the intimate surroundings of our Club lounge but there is the addition treat of a glass of Bucks Fizz on arrival and a free gift for all the ladies. Book now, before Beckham gets there first…
3. Northern Valentines Dinner and Disco
For those lovers further up north there is always the Newcastle United annual Valentines Dinner and Disco extravaganza. Held in sumptuous surroundings at St James’ Park, and a bargain at £24.95 per person, there is surely nothing better to do of an evening in the land of the Magpies? The magical evening begins with a Bucks Fizz reception followed by a three course dinner and disco. Nothing like a dinner and a disco to help you forget your clubs recent form. Or the fact that once upon a time your chairman called local women “dogs”.Dr Sparkles is sensing a ‘Bucks Fizz’ theme surrounding these club events… Why no champagne darlings?
And who said that the Scottish lacked romance? In her first nod towards our Northern cousins Dr Sparkles was delighted to discover that Motherwell FC was offering a Valentines Day present with a difference. Yes, you read that correctly. A brick…
5. Capture a Hart
Always a fan of the bad pun, Dr Sparkles couldn’t help but be overly amused of Manchester City and their nod towards Valentines Day.
That’s right, you can win some Joe Hart gloves, signed by the man himself, providing that you spend over £40 in their online store. What a treat! A more cynical person might suggest that Manchester City (who beat West Brom 3-0 in their last outing) are looking to shoehorn in Valentines Day in order to attract more purchases this weekend, but Dr Sparkles would never dream of making such an accusation.
Finally, a ‘Best Attempt’ award goes to a company in Liverpool, who may or may not be affiliated with the football club, who have decided that Everton Themed Valentines cards are the way forward.
Does your girlfriend have a crush on Arteta? Does your man want a bromance with Rodwell? Do you, like Dr Sparkles, have a thing about hot goalkeepers like Jagielka? Well, fret no more dear readers, your prayers have been answered. And not only are they featuring said players, they are personalised too. Could anything be better (other than a brick)? Dr Sparkles thinks not…
Of course, if none of these items take your fancy then you can always do one of the following:
(a) Propose at a match (and expect a rousing chorus of ‘you don’t know what you’re doing’ to echo around your ears as you bend down on one knee) – Dr Sparkles is a fan of these only because sometimes women say no. No better humiliation than a public one…
(b) Do what the Premiership football high-rollers do every Valentines and take your loved one to a hotel in Dubai and spend an inordinate amount of cash in doing so. She might even do what Alex Curran did and get her hair and nails done for the occasion (or so ‘Click Liverpool’ reported as headline news last year). Classy.