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I hope you have all had a fantastic week so far, Dr Sparkles fans. I have been jet-setting to various La Liga and Seria A games, along with a quick trip to New York, to bring you the latest in International football news, with my unique Dr Sparkles slant. This week I am focusing on possible (or actual) alternative careers for footballers. I hope the jetlag was worth it. Enjoy, sweeties, and until next week….

Vocational Suggestion 1: Be a Model

This would usually be an excuse to throw out some of the old Armani photos of Beckham and Ljungberg in their brief briefs, but Dr Sparkles is anything but predictable. First up, choosing modelling as a way to make a bit of cash on the side is Real Madrid’s Xabi Alonso. Not content with being a half decent player and holding the record for longest-range goal ever scored in the Premiership (beating Steve Harper from 61 yards back in 2006) Xabi and his beautiful fiancée Nagore posed exclusively for Vogue España, proving that Xavi is not a one trick pony. Dr Sparkles believes that this is far classier than many of the UK’s footballers who have their gaudy weddings published in Hello or OK Magazine…

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One classy, one trashy? You decide.
In addition to this type of modelling, Dr Sparkles firmly believes that some footballers would benefit from being hairdressers’ models, thus improving their silky smooth locks, and (in some cases) their game play one thousand fold…

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Barcelona’s Lionel Messi has hair that currently matches his name. The ‘best player in the world’ could possibly improve his game even more by getting a nice short back and sides…
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Marouane Fellaini points out his immense barnet after scoring for Everton.
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Liverpool’s Fernando Torres, thinking back to blonder days.
Vocational Suggestion Number 2: Be an Artist

Be it tattoos, acting, or illustrating Children’s books, it seems that footballers are an arty bunch. Bristol City’s David James is an avid artist, a title he holds proud along with his record of most Premiership appearances (573 for those of you who are counting) and there are many footballers who use their bodies as canvases for tattoo artists (some with greater success than others).

Not to mention footballing great King Eric Cantona and his stint as a poet (somewhat dubious) and actor (his performance in Elizabeth being his crowning glory). Dr Sparkles approves of footballers who are not afraid to show their arty sides, and other than the selection of rather ghastly tattoos that some footballers exhibit, thinks that acting, arting or tattooing is a worthy vocation after the footballing is done…

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King Eric in 'Elizabeth'.
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Scary Clowns by D. James.
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Daniele De Rossi shows off his manga-like tattoos after scoring a goal for Roma, while Stephen Ireland goes for a winged effect. Interesting.
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And, of course, where would we be if we didn’t mention Mr Football Tattoos himself, David Beckham?
Vocational Suggestion Number 3: Be a Legend

At a time where true legends appear to be scarce in the game we all love, Dr Sparkles would like to pay homage to two ex-players who have returned to the game after some absence, and who are already being heralded as born-again saviours.

King Eric Cantona has recently taken up residence in New York, becoming Director of Soccer at New York Cosmos. Even Sir Alex Ferguson thinks this is a good move for the King, saying “I am delighted for Eric, It is quite an innovative move by New York Cosmos. They are rebuilding their team and although it doesn't start until next year, whether they want Eric's knowledge, charisma or personality, it will be interesting for him." Dr Sparkles, for one, agrees with Sir Alex and can’t wait to see King Eric back on the pitch again. Or, at least, standing beside it…

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It would be unfair to mention legends without bringing up another King, this time King Kenny Dalglish. Liverpool fans the world over were overjoyed when Dalglish was appointed as new Liverpool manager, and although his presence hasn’t quite caused the stir that fans were hoping for, there is plenty of time for a turaround by a somewhat (currently) lacklustre Liverpool squad. Dr Sparkles is all in favour in legends returning and hopes that this will be a positive move for Liverpool, as opposed to a Shearer-for-Newcastle debacle…

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Happy Friday to all Dr Sparkles fans. My work as both a doctor and as an international jet-setting WAG has taken me far and wide this week, which is why my irreverent view on the world of football is a touch late. Blame St Tropez darlings! The champagne kept on flowing. What else could I do?

Anyway, back to business. There is a special slant on the top three this week, in that I am looking at footballers and their advice on how you mere mortal football fans should live your lives…


Fun Fact One: Apparently there has been a financial crisis and/or recession in the UK and Ireland recently? All Dr Sparkles funds are tied up in Swiss bank accounts and property in Dubai, so that little happening passed her by. Luckily financial advice is here from top footballing sources. This week (King) Eric Cantona decided that it was time to let the little people know what they need to do in order to show those bankers what for…

Fun Fact Two: Footballers are at the cutting edge of fashion, and none so much as a certain Carlos Tevez. Rumours around Gucci and Chanel (not to mention Primark) this week are that snoods are back since Carlos was seen modelling them during recent games – the matching snood and glove combo is bound to keep you warm now that the snow is falling. That’s advice you must follow to keep warm on the terraces.

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Fashion leader and Snood Meister-General, Carlos Tevez in action against West Brom.

Fun Fact Three
: Lastly, some well-behaved football boys want you to know that the best way to spend your Saturday night isn’t out having (alleged) drug fuelled orgies or (allegedly) cheating on your pregnant wife with a prostitute or two, but just hanging out with your mates in a darkened hotel room playing *blatant product placement via Twitter to ensure you carry on getting free PS3 games for the foreseeable future* Fifa 11...
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Theo Walcott is 'Not Safe for Work' apparently....

Say what you will about Harry Kewell, but at least he is more obvious about his advertising income… Wii anyone?
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There's Kewell, but where's his gang? Careful with that knee, Harry!

Dr Sparkles transfer titbit of the week: Both North London clubs Arsenal and Tottenham have their eyes on Espanyol midfielder Raul Baena. Let’s hope the fight for him is as interesting as last weekend’s match between those two footballing giants…


 

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