Well Dr Sparkles fans, it’s an important week in my part of the world as my good friend Kate marries her long-term bloke Will on Friday. Of course, I’ll be present, but I will be incognito so do try and spot me on TV if you can. I’ll be wearing big, dark sunglasses and a cute Oscar de la Renta number I picked up in Madrid. For those of you who either don’t care about the big bash, or who haven’t been invited I thought that I would give you a special wedding-themed Sparkle this week – my Top Three Footballer Weddings. Enjoy, and raise a glass on Friday. Whatever you think of The Royals they have given us an extra Bank Holiday this week, so that’s only a good thing…
1. David Beckham marries Victoria Adams
In a small, intimate ceremony back in 1999 a young, blonde and (strangely) less-good-looking-than-he-is-now David Beckham married Posh Spice, Victoria Adams. The date was 4th July and the venue was Luttrellstone Castle.
The extravagant affair saw many celebrity attendees – the other Spice Girls and Sir Bobby Charlton amongst them - as well as a costume change as the ever-fashion conscious Beckhams moved from an ivory and cream suit and vintage Vera Wang dress into matching purple numbers designed by Antonio Berardi.
Posh and Books? Who are they trying to kid…
Having only been a WAG-in-waiting back in 1999 DrSparkles had to wait until Dave and Vicki showed her the wedding video years later, but it was worth it. She believes that the Beckhams wedding was one of the greatest footballer weddings ever – done with a beautiful combination of extravagance and class. Well done The Beckhams!
2. Fernando Torres marries Olalla Dominguez
At the opposite end of the spectrum is Chelsea’s Fernando Torres (who finally broke his duck this weekend with a goal against West Ham, ending a 903 minute goal-less dry patch), who married his childhood sweetheart in 2009.
Fernando and Olalla at his sister’s wedding. Rumours are she wore a red dress to her own wedding too.
On 27th May 2009, in a secret ceremony witnessed by only 2 people, ex-Liverpool forward Torres married this then-pregnant girlfriend Olalla in a the tiny El Escorial town hall, north of Madrid. It was expected that they would marry in a lavish Catholic cathedral ceremony but that wasn’t to be, maybe because Olalla is not your typical WAG and would rather stay away from the limelight and look after the couple’s two children while studying at the Spanish equivalent of the Open University.
DrSparkles believes that were she to marry again she would go the route of these two (although without the baby bit), a quiet, intimate ceremony is the epitome of class after all. Marriage can be a private thing, why share it with the world?
3. Lukas Podolski marries Monika Puchalska
The most recent newlyweds are the Podolski’s, added here not only because of the international flavour that the F.C Koln forward brings to the mix, but because of the rather legendary ‘groom present’ that the bride bought her husband-to-be.
Polish-born Podolski, who is eligible to play for either Germany or Poland internationally, married Monika Puchalska in a civil ceremony at Cologne town hall on 18th April 2011. It was an intimate ceremony, with only close family and friends present, but it is thought that they have a bigger church wedding planned for the summer, likely to be in Poland, which is where they were both born. Just like Olalla Torres, the bride wore red. Stunning choice, darlings, white is so last season!
All very nice and civilized, yes? Dr Sparkles agrees, but was bemused to discover that Monika’s wedding present to her husband was a band new pair of breasts for him to enjoy. What a woman! Body confidence is all as far as DrSparkles is concerned, so a bit of surgery here and there to perk you up can only be a good thing. And from the look on Podolski’s face in their published wedding photo, it would seem that he agrees…
The bride, the groom and the twins.
Extra Time Addition
For any of you with a loaded wallet who is looking to have a WAG-alike footballers wedding, who better to do the catering than football fan and Norwich-lover extraordinaire Delia Smith? Just don’t ask her to be your wedding singer, and keep her away from the booze…
DrSparkles loves Delia for her passion and love for Norwich and hopes that they do end ‘going up, up, up’ at the end of the season.
A warm, sunny and tanned welcome from the world of DrSparkles this Easter weekend. Hasn't the UK weather been astonishing, darlings? It's almost as if summer has arrived early! In honour of the glorious weather this week I will be writing about recent achievements (some dubious) in the football world, spanning our sunny isle and some other equally as hot locations too. Revel in the sunshine, don't forget the sunscreen and enjoy the multitude of games across the leagues over our wonderful four day bank holiday. Until next week, keep Sparkling... 1. UK: Graham Alexander Reaches 1000
Twitterers may have noticed this week that #grezza1000
was trending, mostly thanks to the efforts of Burnley fans and players Jack Cork (@jackcork1
) and Wade Elliott (@WadeE11
). Not only that, it was declared in national news that Easter Monday was to be renamed 'Graham Alexander Day'.
Those of you out there who aren't familiar with Mr Alexander and his fantastic achievements may wonder what all the fuss is about. Graham Alexander is a Scottish defender who currently plays for Championship side Burnley. He has gained legendary status thanks to the number of competitive, professional appearances (both cup and league) he has made.
When Burnley played Swansea at Turf Moor on April 16th 2011 (beating them 2-1) Alexander clocked up his one thousandth professional appearance, becoming the second outfield player ever to have done this (the first outfield player to have reached this milestone was midfielder Tony Ford, which he achieved when playing for Rochdale in March 2000 ). Interestingly, Ford and Alexander actually played together at Scunthorpe United in the mid-90's, and Ford has praised Alexander's longevity in the game. Alexander has equalled Ford's record, but is set to overtake it this season.
Dr Sparkles loves it when a professional footballer achieves a record like this, and offers her congratulations to Grezza. She has also noticed that the great man bears more than a passing resemblance to True Blood hunk Sam Merlotte - a coincidence, or perhaps they also share changeling superpowers? That could explain Alexander's fitness and ability well into his late-30's... (I'm sure there is a Claret/(True) Blood pun in there somewhere, but puns aren't my forte sweeties, so you'll have to do the hard work with that one yourselves...)
2: España: Sergio Ramos Drops It
El Clásico is the name given to any game between Real Madrid and FC Barcelona, as most of you out there know. This season there have been several El Clásico games due to La Liga fixtures, Champions League draws and the big Spanish cup - La Copa del Rey. This year, on the 20th April 2011, Jose Mourinho's Real Madrid beat Pep Guardiola's Barcelona thanks to a Cristiano Ronaldo extra-time strike.
You'd assume that was the big news, but it's not. The bigger news happened after the game, when the Real Madrid team went out on their team bus through the streets of Madrid, to celebrate their victory. Ramos was holding the cup aloft as the bus drove through central Madrid, cheering and dancing with his teammates...
Happy Ramos (Winning a cup? Always a good excuse to go shirtless...)
In the excitement and celebration, the 25-year-old Spanish defender dropped La Copa del Rey off the top deck of the bus. If this wasn't bad enough, the bus proceeded to run over the precious cup, which halted the celebrations pretty quickly.
Luckily the cup wasn't badly damaged, and the celebrations continued with abundance once it had been retrieved from underneath it. DrSparkles understands that a dented cup is better than no cup, but is glad that Ramos isn't a goalkeeper with this display of butter-fingers ¡Felicitaciones a Madrid!
3. Ibiza: Luís Figo Enjoys the Sun
Retired winger Figo is certainly a fan of the tan. With his Portuguese heritage and propensity to colour well, who can blame him? But the issue these days isn't the tanning, but the attire that he chooses to enjoy it in...
It would seem that footballers - retired or not - cannot help themselves when it comes to matter of shorts vs. Speedos. We have already seen the likes of Lampard and both Ronaldos modelling the short short, but when footballers in their late 30's get in on the act, it may be time to just say no.
Dr Sparkles is in no doubt that Figo, one of the few footballers who has played for both sides of rivals FC Barcelona and Read Madrid, cuts a mean figure in his Speedo and has an impressive body for a man knocking on the door of 40, but a tiny Speedo is always wrong.
Good day loyal Sparkles fans. After a busy holiday week, involving mostly running, buying a bicycle and eating many, many lunches out I am back with a Top Five (bigger than the usual Top Three, you lucky darlings!) of football news, views and happenings. Once again, there is no one main theme running through joining them all, other than the beautiful game itself. Enjoy...
1. Owl Killer Strikes Again
A sad and dark start to it all this week, with news that Panamanian Luis Moreno has struck again. For those of you who aren't totally up to date with Colombia's League (and why would you be now the Colombian Correspondent has defected to Spain?), Moreno is a defensive player for Deportivo Pereira. In a shocking off the ball incident in March Moreno kicked the owl mascot of the opposing team (Junior Barranquill) off the pitch after it has been hit with the match ball. The owl subsequently died from shock. Moreno was banned for 2 games and has since received death threats from Colombian fans. That said, there have been whispers that Sheffield United are interested in any Owl killer they can get their hands on...
The story regarding owls ends there, but Moreno and his violence came to a head when, during a match against Deportivo Cali, he kicked central defender Pablo Andres Escobar while he lay on the ground after he was fouled. A straight red and 7 match ban was the result of the vicious kick in the stomach from Moreno and Cali won the game 2-1
Dr Sparkles understands how adrenalin and testosterone can make a footballer do silly things in the heat of the moment (hello Wayne Rooney) but thinks that violence against animals and men who are already down is too much...
2. Wayne and Jack
The awe-inspiring story of Jack Marshall (the bravest boy on Twitter - please follow him on @Jack_Marshall_
) has touched all of our hearts, and that includes the heart of Wayne Rooney, who recently met the brave little boy and gave him a kiss after Jack said "I'd like to kiss you Wayne, I think that you are the best footballer in the world". Gorgeous.
Wayne and Jack.
DrSparkles likes it when footballers show their softer side and can think of no-one better than Jack Marshall to show it to. If you are interested in reading more about Jack and his life then visit here: http://www.jacksfund.co.uk/ 3. Stevie G in 3D
Are you a Liverpool fan? Concerned about what your favourite midfielder is up to since he was sidelined thanks to his recurrent groin injury (something that DrSparkles has herself suffered, and therefore has much sympathy with)? Well wonder no longer, thanks to the magic of twitter, bezzie mate and (resting?) actor Paul McGrattan, the picture below shows us all exactly what he has been doing...
That's right SportsFans. Mr Gerrard, Liverpool legend, is sat around with some random dude, in matching grey tracksuits, eating grapes and watching movies in 3D. That's a class that money just can't buy.
Tracksuits (such a fashion no-no in grey flannel) and 3D glasses aside (DrSparkles is very much in the Mark Kermode camp as far as 3D goes), DrSparkles is pleased to see that Steven is resting his groin and eating healthy snacks - both of which will speed his recovery. Get well soon!
4. Chelsea players star in 'Another New Shirt'
Football is a lucrative business. The merchandise alone can bring in millions of pounds of revenue for any popular club, and Chelsea FC are wise to this. To be fair many clubs are, but this week Chelsea are in the spotlight for not only bringing out a new shirt, but doing so with a photoshoot/video alongside it. View it below, but do heed the cheese warning now:
5. Beckham, Snoop Dogg and Kiddie Clothes
Final story of the day goes to the unbelievable pairing of top-'soccer' player Beckham and top HipHop artiste Snoop (Doggy) Dogg. These two have been firm friends since the Beckhams moved to LA back in 2007, and they are so close that Snoop even plays his songs to Becks before they are released to the general public. Mr Dogg has also given him some advice on romancing and thinks that David is a great father:
“Whenever I make a record I give him a copy before it’s done. He’s like a brother. I’m gonna show him to rap, for shizzle. He’s my boy. I love soccer just as he loves Hip Hop. Beckham needs to keep doing what he’s doing, he’s a great father...I said that after their 11th anniversary they should have some more kids and romance to some Snoop tunes."
Them being great mates we can just about buy, but who would have thought that they would join forces to design children's clothes?
That's right Sparkle fans, you did read that correctly. David Beckham and Snoop Dogg are currently sat at their drawing boards and designing a range of kids clothes, which could be ready for release as soon as next year.
Brothers, fo' shizzle
DrSparkles on board for this upcoming fashion phenomenon. It would seem that David Beckham can do pretty much anything he turns his hand to (and the man can already dress well, so designing is just the next step), and Snoop Dog has already successfully designed a few clothing lines - most recently a top-selling shoe for Adidas. In the rapper's words - it's going to be fly
I’m back, a bit earlier than usual this week, to bring you my take on the latest news and gossip in the football world. When I’m not WAG-ing, doctoring or watching football I’m a bit of a keen exerciser (as those of you who follow me on twitter will know – I need to keep in shape sweeties, those Chanel dresses won’t look good on the hanger!) and often I like to tie in my running with music. Music to suit the mood. So this week I have a music & football tie in article for you – the perfect songs for recent football stories… And I’m not going to be so obvious as to mention the stunning Michael Jackson statue that was unveiled this weekend at Craven Cottage, although I do wonder whether it has the ability to spin round and play a tune, as it certainly looks like it should do…
Now that’s what I call music…
3. Price Tag, Jessie J.
Ian Holloway, a man known for his passion and slightly off-beat rants after games, made Dr Sparkles top three this week after some comments that he made as his orange-clad Blackpool side went down 3-0 to Fulham (the thanks, in part at least, to a fantastic return by Bobby Zamora). His comments after the game, although in no way outlandish, were all about the money…
"The quality that the other people have got, the money that they are paying is quite frightening,"
Dr Sparkles believes that Holloway, just like Jessie J, knows that it isn’t all about the money, money, money and his insightful following comment confirms this:
"It's not very nice when you reflect on the goals we have let in. You can have the ball and pass it around but it is all about putting it in the white thing at one end and not letting it in the white thing at your end. Unfortunately we didn't do that very well at Fulham."
Once again the ex-Bristol Rovers legend makes his point as only he can. As this comment about Cristiano Ronaldo proves, the man is all about saying it like it is. Even when it comes to hamster cock…
“He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster – That would make us all feel better. Having said that, me missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive.”
2. Killing In The Name Of, Rage Against The Machine.
The Wayne Rooney debacle runs on and on across the media this week, and as Guillem Balague succinctly pointed out on his twitter on Sunday, it’s almost as if no other football was played at all. For those of you who wonder what the fuss was all about the video below shows the incident in its full glory:
It would seem that Mr Rooney really won’t do what they tell them, presumably all ‘they’ want is for him to come across as a polite English gentleman as opposed looking like a thug who thinks that the camera man looked at his girlfriend the wrong way after a drunken night out at The Sugar Lounge.
Dr Sparkles believes that the media has overdone the analysis on this small incident, although the many pundits talk of ‘passion’ does ignore the fact that Wayne had already celebrated his goal before he decided to get all gobby with the camera, so maybe it was a little less about passion and a little more about him just being a special-edition Mr Angry Potato Head…
1. Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough, Michael Jackson
This week’s number one football/music appropriate matching goes to Norwich City, who managed to score 6 against Scunthorpe at Carrow Road. This song has a double whammy meaning for the team as not only was it a great score-line, but 2 of the players didn’t stop until they had a hat-trick – namely Holt and Jackson. And, hold on a minute, isn’t this song sung by a Mr Jackson too? Seamless links everywhere…
3, it’s a magic number…
Dr Sparkles does enjoy a high-scoring game and was overjoyed to hear about the Norwich score, in particular the Holt/Jackson hat-trick. It does beg the question though, who kept the match ball? Answers on a postcard…
**This weeks top twitter recommended follow goes to @LiterallyJamie – Jamie Redknapp as you never knew him before… **
Internationals week is always a little dull for me sweeties, although I must say that the slew of lower leagues games that occur every week and that get less coverage on SkySports and from the mainstream media have been keeping me somewhat occupied – Gus Poyet and his fist-pumping antics as Brighton & Hove Albion beat Dagenham and Redbridge 1-0 on the 29th March stands out as a highlight for me. And that man can dress well, can’t he?
In light of the lack of too much action, and also because I have been spending way too much time on twitter recently I have decided to dedicate this week’s Dr Sparkles about my top 3 footballer twitterers. If you don’t already follow them (or me!) then you need to do so tout de suite. Until next week darlings, be good. Or, if you’re bad, be good at being bad…
3. Stan Collymore
Stanley Victor Collymore is a favourite of Dr Sparkles for several reasons. Firstly, due to his Footballing Legend status. The 6ft 3 striker has played football from an early age but is probably best remembered for his times at Nottingham Forest (his excellent form in 1993-1994 helped Forest achieve promotion), his near-miss at joining Manchester United (eventually Andy Cole was signed instead) and his time at Liverpool, where impressive stats analysis shows that he scored a goal on average once every 2.5 games.
But Stan isn’t just about football – the man is deeper (and some may say darker) than that. Mr Collymore has battled depression (something he spoke about in a frank and endearing manner earlier this week on TalkSport) and is not afraid of talking about the many other demons in his closet.
Dr Sparkles is a fan of Stan as he is open and honest about all of his issues and never shies away from admitting that in the past he did not behave in a very good way, as far as his personal life goes. In a world where footballers are either too scared to reveal who they are or lie about what they get up to, this ex-professional is a breath of fresh air. The fact that he has shouted out to Dr Sparkles on TalkSport a few times also helps his cause…
2. Robbie Savage
The self-styled ‘Peoples Pundit’ may not be the most obvious choice from a Dr Sparkles recommend, but following him for just a few days on twitter will turn even the most hardened hater into a fan – if it’s for the twitter rows he gets into or the amazing photos that he tweets of his daily life…
Robert William Savage is a Welsh midfielder who is currently captain of Derby County – Mr Savage is well known for his interesting playing style, which often winds up other players and results in him getting booked a lot, and he currently holds the record for most yellow cards of any Premiership player in the league’s history (98 – a title jointly held with Lee Bowyer).
It isn’t just the ex-Manchester United player’s antics on the field that made him catch Dr Sparkle’s eye – nor was it his gorgeous mane of loin-like tresses – but also his fantastic and fun punditry on 606, Radio 5 Live and occasionally on ESPN. The man in hilarious. His bod isn’t too shabby either…
So, if you want some interesting tweets that’ll make you laugh, some random video clips of a footballer singing in his car or photos of the man himself from his daily life then he is 100% worth a follow. Dr Sparkles is never wrong!
1. Darren Huckerby
Handsome forward Darren Huckerby is a legend, and it’s not only because he has tweeted Dr Sparkles recently. As his own profile on twitter states: Ex-premier League player, founder of Darren Huckerby Trust charity, all round good bloke Mr Huckerby is an all-round good bloke, and his tweets attest to that. He is always kind, courteous and always happy to promote charities and people who ask him to help him out.
The ex-Norwich man is a popular one amongst Norwich fans due to his well-known nice-guy-ness, along with the fact that he played pretty darn well for them too. This is evidenced by him winning Norwich City player of the year awards in 2005 and 2007.
Proof further is the Darren Huckerby Trust (http://www.darrenhuckerbytrust.co.uk/), of which Darren is a founder. The trust provides support for local charities, community projects and individuals in need across Norfolk. What a man! Dr Sparkles likes to read tweets from footballers (ex- or current) who come across and decent and down-to-earth human beings, hence why Hucks is at number one on her list.
Honorable mentions also go to the hilarious profiles of Kai Wayne Rooney (@KaiWayne) and The Big Sam (@TheBig_Sam) - proving that football can be genius on many levels.